The prompt for January 9th is “What do people assume incorrectly about me?

For me, it depends on when and where you met me. If you met me as a child in preschool to high school, the assumption would be that I was a loser, nerd, or just another non-player character existing in the landscape of the leading players. During this time, my idea of how I thought people viewed me was developed, leading me to a ton of traumatizing ideas of myself. I never had a feeling that people viewed me in high regard, and I tend to believe I’m always being  critically judged in the minds of all who encounter me.  I have always believed that horrible things are lurking in the minds of those who I come in contact with.  Thus, creating a fear of being the center of attention, whether for good or bad.

In order to rid myself of this issue of alway thinking that people are incorrectly assuming horrble things about me. I stopped trying to assume that others are assuming anything at all.  Now I tend to block this chronic need to believe that what others think of me is all negative or important. I tend to believe that this consist need to know what people think of me or to think that people are assuming horrible things is a self-regulation learnt from a toxic childhood. Now I try to believe that everyone is too busy with item own lives to send too much time picking me apart in their mind.

While I try to avoid over thinking  regarding what others think of me or what I think of others. I am always glutting for punishment and secretly craving critical critique. But, I am trying to balance my mental health by doing my best to not assume what others are thinking about me and vice versa.

I secretly crave critical critique in anything and everything I do. I believe it’s the only way to gauge whether I am on the right track. The only way to know if I need to change a certain behavior or habit whether on the job or in my personal life. This is just another toxic childhood habit that ends to end here!